Unknowns

So today I find myself questioning where we are headed with this.  After writing my little "ad" last night I started thinking about it more today.  I am interested in knowing where your mind is at.  You know what I want and am looking for.  So, now for you...what do you want?  Do you want me submissive?  Are you wanting it for scenes...aka moments in our sex life...or as a lifestyle?  What term do you think best suits your desires for us (BDSM, TTWD, Taken-in-Hand, Master/Slave, Dom/Sub)?  What are you hoping for from me?  You say you aren't interested in being a sub...so that says you want to be Dominate.  I would love to see a Sub wanted ad that you write!  I feel like this is the point we get to and then we stop...we both sorta want it, but one is afraid to take the next REAL step into the unknown.  I'd love to know more about your book and what is standing out to you.  Do you think it would be beneficial for me to read it too?  Have you found any Submissive books you think that would be beneficial for me to read?  Sorry it's a night of questions...just lots of unknowns swirling around in my head. 

Dominate Man Wanted

Today we FINALLY got some time to do our sexual reading.  That hammock was COLD...but the sun was great and the company was AWESOME!  I enjoyed reading a bit of your book over your shoulder.  So exciting to think of us starting a Dom/Sub lifestyle....scary...but exciting!

As I blog this you are playing with your camera and my naked body in silhouettes. It's making my pussy wet I must say, but also distracting me from writing!  Today when we were talking you said you were thinking of having me write a DOM wanted advertisement.  Well, my advent lesson for today wasn't so great so since you mentioned it, I'm going to do it.

Tough kinky woman in Texas Suburb seeing a White Dominant Man to overtake her.  I'm new to the Dom/Sub lifestyle but open to advancing into Master/Slave with the right man.  I'm tough so you must be strong enough to make demands of me and follow thru with consequences.  I'm an organized person who works well with demands given if clearly communicated.  A contractual agreement should be established before our first scene will begin.  I do not wish to be included in the initial agreement, but would like to talk about future revisions.  Areas of my life that need work in are diet, exercise, self-image, body care (shaving/makeup/etc), complete submission even while absent from you, and overall priority alignment.  Breaking me and making me yours promises to be a hard road, but I believe it will all be worth it in the end...for you AND me.  Please reply ASAP if interested.  


That was fun...hopefully I covered everything I'm looking for!  Here's hoping I get an applicant!

Today was a fairly nice relaxing day.  I accomplished a lot from my to do list AND still had some down time.  That was good.  Morning was great as usual.  Nice to hear you say that you get turned on when you read about how to be a better Master!  Oh how I have MISSED our sexual reading time together in the hammock!  Really hoping for sun tomorrow!

Today's Advent Question was: When am I most aware of my submissive role?  This is an interesting question and certainly one that I will continue to ponder...I understand your apprehension to embracing this lifestyle completely due to the extra responsibilities it places on you, but continue to believe that it may be the BEST thing for me and us.  I currently only am reminded of my submissive role on an occassional basis and would love to feel that more frequently though and unsure how exactly that "looks" and gets lived out.  I am still feeling confussed like, we are one foot in/one foot out of TTWD.  That makes it hard for me.  I'm ok either way...I just don't like the luke warm stuff. 

The times I do think of my role are early in the morning when I first wake up, each time I look/feel my necklace, each time you call me your "Lady", when you sext me,  and when you care for me by managing the kitchen clean up duty while I go relax.  I guess maybe I don't even know what I want/need from you...I want to learn submission, I want you to dominate me, I want to feel loved and cared for in every sense.  I just don't know how to get there. 

I love you...

Long Day

Long day...

This day, all 13 hours of it at work, was TOO long.  Thanks SO much for drinks tonight!  The only bummer is the others at the restaurant tonight...so sad for them, but so GRATEFUL for you and what I have in the security of a reliable man.  Right now you are rubbing my feet...a true expression of love for me!  Oh how I love you...

So, today's advent is all about music and the power of it in our lives.  She asked what our submissive theme song was and what emotions/thoughts rose up in me because of it.  For me it's certainly "Lead Me".  Every time I hear it I can't help but think about how I want you to lead me.  Lead me with STRONG hands, STAND up when I can't, Don't leave me lonely for your love.  It's thru your strong hands and dominate role that I feel your love.

I want you to lead me.  I want you to LOVE that role and cherish how it makes your feel.  I think to many we look perfect on the outside, but on the inside I'm just calling out for you to lead me.  I so easily find myself chasing dreams that aren't related to us and actually take me in the opposite direction at times!  I need to know that you are willing to fight...no that you ARE fighting for us, for our sex life, for my submission, for your Sir leadership role.

I want our home to be a grand place to live...not someplace where I feel alone.  I want to feel like your lady while in the home and I'm not afraid to let the kids see it!  I want them to know the love/affection that's between us and for them to all view how a real gentleman treats his lady.

Well, should head off to neverland...you're done rubbing my feet...wow did that feel amazing!  Thanks...could've dealt with that for a LONG LONG time...looking forward to being with you all week and then enjoying some time together this weekend.  Ahhhh

Long and tough day

Tough day....

Wow...was really fighting to sit down and focus on us!  Feeling the preasure from the day as well as the impending stress of the next 48 hours has my mind out of sorts.  On top of it, my diet is careening out of control and my clothes hardly fit me any longer.  I'm worn out, overwhelmed, and just ready for a break..either that or some tequilla!  Deep breath...

So, my advent journal today was supposed to be about rewards I have had internal or external for submission in my life.  I really enjoy your verbal acknowledgement of my submission!  It's amazing what a simple "good girl" can do.  I especially enjoyed our morning time today.  Again sucking you hard was amazing and then how it lead into making love was FABULOUS...certainly a LARGE reward for my morning submissive job well done. Thanks for guiding me thru my morning exercises as well...love having your fingers planted deep within me.  I enjoy working out my love muscles, enhancing my pleasure as well increasing your gratification! 

I am looking forward to a release of my tension tonight.  I understand that when you tell me to go to the bedroom that means to get naked.  I will do better to obey that.  I missed ready our sexuality books together in the hammock...sigh...and the next few days we will miss out on more time.  Hang in there with me. It's a journey and we will finally reach a day where we can relax and enjoy each other for an extended period of time. 

I thought of my submissive position today each time I looked in the mirror or rearranged my necklace. MMMMmmmm

Recentering and Refocusing

Three days strong and still moving forward.  I'm proud of the progress I have made in the past few days!  It's great to focus and devote time to thinking sexually as a daily discipline.  It's nice to repeat to myself thru out the day that I am a sexual being, made for pleasure as well as spend time together in the morning/evening reinforcing my thoughts.  I enjoy you bringing me pleasure and demanding that I grant your pleasure as well!  I am able to focus on my work while at work, and then switch gears as I anticipate my time with you in the evening.  It's refreshing to feel like I'm starting to get a better grasp on my life priorities.  I treasure our hammock sun time in the afternoon, I love that I'm growing my sexual knowledge, engaging my mind, and feeling the sun spill it's warmth across my kitty.  It's nice to sometimes enjoy your playful touch and at other times just have you know that I'm bare and available yet you exhibit such self control and just lavish the moment being with me.  I'm sorry I didn't get my necklace on yesterday.  It is on now though.  I got quite wet when you agreed that some sort of daily mantra might be a beneficial addition.   A daily verbal reminder of who I am individually as well as relationally may help both of us center ourselves on what really matters.  Thanks for giving me lots to think on...thanks for listening to me....thanks for loving me!  I'm looking forward to finishing my Good Girl book and then would like to move on to "Capture Me"..just FYI! 

Creative concepts

Dear Sir,

Today I have been good.  I have thought of you lots!  I enjoyed waking you at 5:45 by sucking ever so gently on your cock.  Feeling it grow against the warm moist sides of my mouth is an exciting thing in the morning.  Thank you for allowing me to do that for you.  It's a huge turn on to hear you say, "ok....come up here".  It's almost like you submitting yourself, your will, and your desires to tenderly love and hold me in the morning light.  Sweet times...

Today's task on my advent journey into submission is to make a token of my submission...something that I can wear to remind me of my position/standing in our relationship.  I am going to wear my necklace that you purchased in Las Vegas as a reminder of that for now.  The blog talked about saying a Slaves Rosary as you held/touched the object.  I am not your slave so much of the wording seemed a bit strong for our relationship.  Yet, the thought of actually having a Mantra, or a "Rosary" to say to remind me of who I am to you may be an interesting concept to explore.  Here is the link to the slave rosary, and if you so desired we could write up our own submissive rosary...certainly an interesting concept. 

http://petkimberlysjourney.blogspot.com/2012/04/knowledge-24.html?zx=fc6ba7bfd461f8dc 

I so look forward to going to bed tonight...it brings me pleasure to mindfully submit to you! Plus, I'm looking forward to you guiding me thru my nightly exercises!

Your loving Lady

Things to say and hear

My mind has been flooded with things I wish I could say and things I would love to have told to me.  I can't decide how to write them into a story so I will just make a list of them.  Maybe after this I will be able to incorporate them into stories or real life.

Things I'd like to say:
1.  Although I think about spankings a LOT, I really only like the first 10.
2.  I'd love to be more the center of your attention.
3.  I'd love to have my Master lead me STRONG and push me outside my comfort zone.
4.  I want to be more free with my body, but convictions and embarrasment hold me back.
5.  I like the way my naked body looks.
6. Spank me...warm me up and don't stop till I cry.  Break my spirit and make me yours.
7. Buy me an eternity collar and make me YOURS!
8. Read and learn as much as you can about sex, then try it all out on me.
9. Make firm demands of me sexually and follow thru with them.
10.  Don't be so scared of me, my aches/pains/period, when you want ME, then TAKE me!
11. I want to forget who I am from time to time.
12.


Things I'd like to hear SAID to me:

1. Hurting you, and causing you pain turns me on.
2. You are to cum at least once a day.  If you don't there will be a consequence!
3. I can't stop thinking about your body.
4. I like it when other men look at you.
5. We are going out tonight, you will wear this....
6. You've been a naughty girl.
7. You've been a GOOD girl, but I'm still in control so.....
8. We're going to a Clothing Optional resort and YOUR clothing will NOT be optional.
9. I've ordered you an eternity collar, and matching cuffs....they will be used with a spreader bar.
10.  Bartender...another drink for the lady please!
11. I know you're not feeling well, BUT I'm taking you tonight.
12.  I found a new position we are going to try.
13. Go wait for me in our room.
14.

Fresh Perspectives

 Dear Sir,

Sonnet 57:

Being your slave what should I do but tend
Upon the hours, and times of your desire?
I have no precious time at all to spend;
Nor services to do, till you require.

Nor dare I chide the world without end hour,
Whilst I, my sovereign, watch the clock for you,
Nor think the bitterness of absence sour,
When you have bid your servant once adieu;

Nor dare I question with my jealous thought
Where you may be, or your affairs suppose,
But, like a sad slave, stay and think of nought
Save, where you are, how happy you make those.

So true a fool is love, that in your will,
Though you do anything, he thinks no ill.

This is my new beginning into a submissive lifestyle.  I found a Submissive advent guide online and will be working thru each task over the next month.  Today I was to read this Shakespere Sonnet, pick 2 lines that touch me in my current position, write them out explaining why they speak to me and then use them as a memorial mantra thru this month of rediscovering my submissive self.  

As I read this over, my 2 lines are:

Being your slave what should I do but tend,

Upon the hours and times of your desire.

I am not your slave, but I am willingly submitting myself to you and your desires.  It is my desire to be your helpmate, to please you, to satisfy you, to release stress from your life, to bring pleasure to your days.  I no longer want to put the weight of this lifestyle on your shoulders, I understand that I can even as a sub take an active role of making myself for aware of my sexualness.  I desire to spend time daily thinking and learning how to serve you better.  I will avail myself to you at the hour you need it, laying aside my tasks and duties...serving you as my sir should be my highest priority.  I long to see where our relationship will go as we both deeply look into pleasing the other above ourselves.  I am indeed afraid of the times when I do not want to submit willingly, but know that you will help me thru those times.  Our lives are busy, but you were made for me, as I was for you.  Let's start afresh today with giving each other our best sexually. 

 For this week I understand the following:

1. I will spend 30 min minimum each day on my daily submissive guide.  I will blog my journey and thoughts for you to learn from my deepest desires.

2. I will obediently go to our bedroom and undress as I wait for you when you request this of me.  There will be no questioning, eye rolling, or arguing.  

3. I will repeat daily to myself that I am a sexual being, made to feel pleasure and serving you brings me into a deeper understanding of my role.

Your Lady