Rules

Rules can be observed mechanically.  Once they become habitual they can be followed with minimal effort and almost no thought.  . (taken from my morning devotional book)

That quote is my main fear.  I can observe the rules very well from the external perspective, and yet not have an internal heart attitude change.  There will be times that you will be able to sense my internal attitude showing itself as disrespect, and I'm hopeful that you will also be able to see my hesitation or body language.  However, I tend to be dishonest in this arena and hide the truth from you.  I need to understand that complying with the rules with a hidden bad attitude is NOT going to be beneficial to me or to us in the long run.  If we want honest and transparent communication I need to be absolutely truthful at all times with you especially as it relates to my attitude.

I was taught as a child under extreme rule conditions to appease the "governing authorities" but maintain my own independent attitude by escaping into internal thoughts.  This was not a good pattern to establish and I need your help to overcome it as one of my major hurdles. 

I want my submission to be an intrinsic desire, motivated by my love for you and excitment to watch us grow.  I am willing to accept the effort and hard work that it will take to get there.  I want my thoughts to be pure and pleasing as a constant running thread thru my mind of how I can better support you.